So I decided and I’m clear about it. No regrets. And I’m actually relieved. I rather say nothing here because every word I type might be offending or something. So, I thank you for everything. Be it the good or the bad. Hoping you’ll deal with it well because I’m sure this will make you a stronger person. I learnt a little something here & there. I hope you do too. Wishing you best of luck, Nat.
 

Now we ain't talked since we left. It's so overdue. It's cold outside. But between us its worse in here. The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part, where the end starts. I can't take it any longer. Thought that we were stronger. All we do is linger, slipping through my fingers. I don't want to try now, all that's lefts goodbye to find a way that I can tell you.

It’s pretty much a stay home Sunday. I spend my day indulging myself with Ice-Cream, Cheese Biscuits, Tom Yam Noodles and McSpicy. I decided to watch some DVDs with my Mum. So we made popcorns and began our movie marathon. Hindustan, Hindustan and Hindustan. Okay, only 2. I kind of doze off while watching the second one. Dad was being nice & bought us Mac’D meals. Accompanied Grandma down to Church and went back home. That’s when it started to rain heavily.

I’ve been lazing around the house. Lying on my bed for hours while playing Super Collapse. I’m asking my brother to bring over Ghost Recon CD. Because I’ve got the sudden urge to play with it. And oh, did I tell you I am so bored that I went into Barbie.com. Seriously. But I find it boring.

It’s Monday tomorrow. School starts at 10AM. One module tomorrow and that’s the end. + I hope I’ll be able to meet you tomorrow. Cross-fingers.

Stay home Saturday. Sister-In-Law came and we messed up the whole kitchen. Had fun cooking. After cooking and cleaning up, I entertained Danial with some online games and we kind of fight just because he didn’t allow me to win him. He scratched me, kick me, bite me, pinch me and lastly something I dislike most from him, he licks me. It was funny because he’ll start laughing for no good reason. I love my nephew still, of course. Anyway, I spend the rest of my day touching and molesting and admiring my brother’s new phone, XPERIA X1 Sony Ericsson. Cousins came over. I wanted to stay over at their place since Aunt & Uncle will be away for a holiday at Hong Kong but I was too lazy to go all the way down to Tampines.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The next day is Monday. School starts at 10AM, yo! I’m dead sleepy now and I just took some sleeping pills thingy, dozing off now! Okay, maybe as soon as I find my brother’s facebook account. Goodnight. Bye!

I’m not feeling rather well to be honest. My head has been spinning and killing me almost the whole day I was in school today. I had severe tummy aches and I’m not sure whether it’s due to my “coming soon menses” or “gastric flu saga” or it’s just plain normal stomach ache. All I know for sure is that it sure does annoy me when it suddenly attacks. I refuse to go to the doctor because the thought of swallowing pills after pills just disgust me and makes me sick (more).

People at home aren’t feeling so great too. My Mum has been sick since last week and there’s no sign of full recovery. For all I know, I’ve been hearing the term “Kidney Stones” from my father and brother endless time. It’s scary to know if that is really what is going on. So what I did was to do some research online to find out the symptoms. Pretty much everything I found out kind of matches with my Mum’s situation. Double scared.

Now the triple scare. My brother actually suffered from it a few months back but he kind of recovers from it. Thank God. And now it’s my Mum. Suddenly the thought of having it came into my mind and it sure does freaks me out. Because this is what I found out: A family and personal history of renal calculi formation tends to increase the risk.

Reality hits me. Suddenly I’m health conscious. No joke. Healthy Nat = Happy Life. Which I’m sure people will be more than happy to know if I am going to start exercising, right? (You know, I know)

Many apologies for the lack of updates. I just can’t seem to find the time and mood to type pretty much things here. Partly is because I’m lazy and there’s isn’t much fun things going on. Oh well, other than saying that yesterday was the last paper for my O-Levels. It’s done. So I had Gelare yesterday with Phoebe and that was about it. I was pretty much sleepy the whole of yesterday which gives you the answer to why I did not/refuse to attend school today. I had a good rest and hell, I feel much more energetic. And I had another late afternoon nap after watching “College”. I’m dying to watch the next episode of America's Next Top Model & Paris Hilton's My New BBF, which hasn’t been aired yet.

There’s school tomorrow at 8 in the morning. But good thing is that it ends at 11AM. I’m pretty much a free kid after that. I’ve got to do some shopping and stuffs (maybe). For me to know, for you to find out. Anyhow, the weather is being such a nuisance. It’s getting worst and I’m unhappy about it.

Off to download more music. Bye!

Definition- Come: To have an orgasm. The viscid, whitish fluid produced in the male reproductive organs, containing spermatozoa.

Mind my language for today’s post but I am f***ing annoyed at what happened this morning. I swear to God that I never met someone as f***ing gross as you. Like hello you don’t come in the lift. Are you sick or what?

This is what happened:
I rushed out of my house because I was late for school, so my neighbour (male) was waiting for the lift too and typical people will just take the lift down right? So that’s what I did. He went in first and then it was me. Coincidentally there wasn’t anyone else in the lift which sucks big time, I know. And when I was at the lift lobby, level 1, I felt something dripping on my calves. Thinking it might be menses or me having some lose bladder problem which is highly impossible, I just use my hand to wipe it off. Standing at one corner I wipe it off with tissue and it looks whitish, transparent water like thing. Option A) Mucus B) Vomit C) Tau Huay D) Semen. If it was mucus, I would have heard him sneezing. Vomit? Hell no, there was no sound or sign of him vomiting. And can you believe it that I smell it and it doesn’t smell anything like Tau Huay at all. So f*** it, the only think it would be is Semen. All I recalled doing was to rush back home and wash it off because my Mum told me so. AKA I got rid of the evidence. Brought her to the lift and saw little droplets left but pretty much it dried up.

(I had a super lost face in school and all. Not important)

And my Dad called me to make a police report but we couldn’t do much as there was no evidence. If I still have evidence, he’ll be jolly well in jail and be caned for good, I swear. After doing the report, my Dad confronted him face to face and my Mum got worried that my Dad might hammer that guy or something. Which I was hoping to happen. There were mini arguments going on and here’s how it goes as what my Mum told:

Dad: Hello! What you did to my daughter just now?
Guy: My hand…No la, I stomach ache.
Dad: You think I don’t know what you did is it? You better tell me before I drag you down to the police station now.
Guy: I’m sorry. Really sorry. I also don’t know why. I got mental problem and family problem.
Dad: Then what water you shoot at my daughter?
Guy: Sorry, sorry.
Dad: What sorry sorry? I live here for how many years, I’ve got no problem. Now you come in, all sorts of problem started. You think I don’t know you like to loiter around jogging in front of people’s corridor? You want to jog, go to the park!
Guy: Okay okay, sorry. I go apologize to her (me).
Dad: You go apologize to my wife. My daughter isn’t home.
Guy: So sorry.
Mum: You do this and easily say sorry? Lucky I think you're our neighbour and I don’t want to cause trouble. If you do this again or I hear from anyone that you're doing this again, I’ll be their witness.
Guy: Okay okay, from now on I don’t look at girls.
Dad: You say! I’ll keep a lookout, you see you watch out.

To think my parents accepted his apology. It annoys me even more. Even if he apologizes to me, I will not accept it. You’ve made me traumatized the whole day and look so pale and sick. You think I’m going to forgive you. F*** off. You even did it to my next door’s neighbour daughter last time. And all you say is “Sorry” also. The word sorry to you seems so easy, f***er. You don’t even mean it, I know. You’re gaining sympathy by saying you’ve got family problem. Everyone has family problems too, but you don’t come in the lift. So what if you argue with your wife often? So no sex life? Too bad. You don’t go around traumatizing girls/women. It just shows how awful your character is. I’m truly traumatized and it’s playing over and over in my head. I’ve lost appetite. Tell me who won’t.

First thing, you’re married. And married man doesn’t behave this way. Secondly, you are f***ing 30/40 of age. You don’t do this entire nuisance. You should be mature enough to know what is wrong and what is right? Then you say your brain has got some problem. Well yes, I agree with that. You’re one hell of a person who shows good example of someone who is sick in the brain. What the f*** were you thinking? Me = Nude? From level 11 to 1 you actually can ejaculate so fast? Either you’re super power (haha) or f***ing just watch porn and had to rush to work & you had to get rid of some left over.

You know what, I don’t forgive a person like you who creates trauma and nuisance in my life. You’re not anyone to me, you’re a complete stranger. You’re no one and you dare to do this to me. It’s f***ing gross. And there’s no way I could ever forget this incident. Ohh, grosssssssss.

Someone needs to help me with this thing. I think soon, I’ll just lock myself in my room and be paranoid and just sit at one corner. Okay, I’m kidding. But seriously, f*** you. If I ever have the chance to put you behind bars, I’ll be the first in line to make you go in. I swear, this isn’t solved. I’m not happy with it and you deserve getting punished for it and not just run away with the word “sorry”. I swear.

I apologize for being really vulgar in this post but I really need to rant it out. And I'm still unhappy ):

My mathematics papers are o-v-e-r and I think I suck at it. So I pretty much tried to stop myself to think so much about it. I have to give my dad my plans. Plans on where I want to head to after my results. Pass or Fail, he wants to know where I want to be. It’s a pretty pleasant news actually because I can finally write a whole chunk of words to where I really want to be. I’ll do the thinking once I settle down which most probably be in a few weeks time.

Biology papers are tomorrow. I’ve got to get stuffs into my brain, a.s.a.p. And I’m still feeling rather sleepy. Thank God it’s an afternoon paper which equally means I can sleep late = wake up late. I hope things will be all good during the paper. And exactly at 3:45PM tomorrow, I’ll be a happy child because all I’m left is MCQ.

I meet-up with Zahrina for awhile since it’s her birthday. She gave me a whole summary of what has been happening since I was away and suddenly thinking that I’ve got to return back school next week is such a bad idea. Seriously. I hear too much and I guess that it freaks me inside out.

After catching up, headed down to Jurong to meet Shafrin. I was playing Tamagotchi throughout the whole journey and it finally grew! We had our lunch, walked around and yada yada yada. I’m a happy girl (x100000) because I get to meet him today.

Again, I’m telling myself to shut up because I’m supposed to start my revision in 5 minutes time. Sooooo, tata titi tutu.

Things happen for a reason. Like I always say, one day when I grow older, I’ll say “Hey, at least I experienced life in ITE before”. It’s funny because I never commit myself to school ever since the first day. I met different people in school, they are nice but I’ve got no heart to study in there. I don’t feel comfortable. It feels different to me. Therefore, I refuse to attend school every now and then. This leads to me getting debarred for Examinations. I just don’t give a damn about it much. Imagine a teacher in there can actually make up stories just to put me in such position. I couldn’t be bothered anymore. The reason why I cried is because I was upset with myself. I never imagine myself to get into hell loads of burden. Debarred and skipping school. It’s been a nightmare to me. I just want to get out of it. It feels like hell.

If you say, why others can make it in there and why can’t I? I just can’t bring myself to attend school anymore. I dread it. I do love my friends in there, but I guess I’m dealing with something no one might understand. It’s a battle I’ve gone through ever since April. I’m tired. I need a break. The best way is for me to withdraw myself from school. But who will be there to help me with this process? Am I going to be strong, daring and courageous enough to do it? Will my Dad finally listen to me for once? Will it be a positive or negative thing? I don’t know, but for all I know I just have to do something about it. I don’t benefit anything if I were to stay other than friendship. But friendship I’ll hold. Schooling in there, I can never hold on any longer. It’s eating me inside out. Whatever the outcome of my results will be, I am going to withdraw myself. It’s just a matter of time and whether I am prepared for it. Trust me, this isn’t going to be easy.

Some of you might think this is bullshit. But I really mean every single word I say. I’ve kept this in me for quite awhile. And maybe some of you should know how I feel. Just maybe, then you guys will understand.

It’s a whole new semester and I wasn’t even looking forward to it. I hate morning classes because I can’t seem to squeeze into the train and if I did manage to do so, I’ll be smelling people’s armpit which is pretty much unlucky I must say. And if I were to ask my Dad to send me to school or decide to take a cab down, I’ll probably end up stuck in the traffic jam for hours especially those areas like Seletar & Ang Mo Kio. Sometimes I wish I can actually fly (I’m just kidding).

Being stared by a Bangla early in the morning sure annoys me. I kind of gave a middle finger while holding onto the pole. He might have figured it out. Plus I know some people noticed it too. But hell, stop looking like you’re trying to vision me totally naked. My god! Go watch porn online. And when I was about to alight, I’ve got no choice but to pass by him and his hand was like pretending to accidentally touch me. But opps, I played along too. I kind of pretended I accidentally stepped on his feet. + He was just wearing those typical slippers. Serve you right, loser face.

School was quite slack today. Got to know my Business Communication module teacher and she talks and talks and talks like there’s no tomorrow. Home sweet home, studied and I’m off to study soon. Again, for good. School starts at 8AM everyday which means I got to be up by 6AM every single morning. Zombie me. Zombie you?

Biology, biology, biology…

My mum just reminded me that I’ve got tickets to Zee Carnival tomorrow which I am not interested at all. I don’t go gaga for Bollywood stars. Like what’s that guy name? Shahrukh Khan and yada yada yada. If it’s like Adam Gregory, Dustin Milligan, Jonathan Togo, Johnny Whitworth and no joke this list have no endings, I won’t mind going. But I’ve got no choice. So I kind of spend my day studying and falling asleep. Morning was terrible, I swear the renovation going on is such a pain in the ass. It feels like my estate was like the Singapore Zoo. Stomping of elephants!

Just found out about the new time-table (click here) which is like hell. I’ve got days I’ll only be dismissed at 5pm and days which starts as early as 8am. Someone just tell me things in school just got worst. Oh well, I doubt I’ll concentrate much in school either. I’ve got O-Level Examinations to worry much more. I’ve got to get some/many approve leaves when school re-opens. One thing for sure, I’m totally not looking forward to Monday. Back to shithole.

And now after all those afternoon naps I had today, I doubt I'll be able to sleep. Great!

My heart flutters at the sound of your voice. My hands shake as I reach to touch you. Soaring through the clouds, the wind beating at my skin. Breathing heavy, feeling numb. You give me a hug with tight squeeze and you snugly take me in your arms. In your arms I feel so comforting. And never I wish to lose moments like these with you. And I pray you’ll hold me forever and never go away. You melt me down with your tender embrace. Under the moonlight and the distant stars. You & I. You’re all I need, my number one.